Hi B&IUK I somehow missed your comment and the subthread below it. I appreciate you commenting and all the subsequent conversations. To reply to your three points—
1) It’s not really a question of me being concerned with losing my straight identity (no real risk of that). I’d give your statement a “yes, and” after it. Sex with a trans man—and especially one without bottom surgery—is not the same as with a cis man sexually. Simplifying it to “a trans man is a man” isn’t telling the full story.

2) Sure, I will admit I don’t have a ton of knowledge here, though my understanding is that bottom surgery is easier going from male to female.

3) I hope my writing makes it clear that I listen to both my teens, intently.