I think this was the dominant form of parenting of the era, that until you were an adult, it was your parents job to raise you to be a certain way. My mom had a huge influence over how I dressed (I'm cis so my gender wasn't involved, but I'm a bit of a weirdo and didn't realize that until I was well into my 20s and away from home). This is why I give my kids a wide berth on these sorts of things. I'm here to be a bumper if they really veer off-course. But I give a lot of space for them to figure stuff out that is different from me--because they are not me.

I'm glad you've come to peace with who you are and can express it so eloquently, to help others not as far down their paths (and the parents trying to guide them).